Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.

It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. "What is that?" he asked. She said, "I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo 'Merry Christmas,' and on the inside of the other one they tattooed 'Happy New Year.'" Perplexed, he asked, "Why did you do that?" "Well," she replied, "now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years!"

How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may.

Yo momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"

Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.