You're so ugly, your husband takes you with him everywhere he goes, so he doesn't have to kiss you goodbye.
How did giraffes come to be? Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
Your face looks like it caught on fire and somebody tried to put it out with a fork.
You're so ugly that when you were born they didn't slap you they slapped your mom.
Insult: Hey, you're not much of a looker, but I'll date you.
Response: Thanks. You must be very open-minded. Was that how your brain slipped out?