You're so ugly, your husband takes you with him everywhere he goes, so he doesn't have to kiss you goodbye.
So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
You've got your head so far up your ass you can chew your food twice.
Your face looks like it caught on fire and somebody tried to put it out with a fork.
How did giraffes come to be? Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.