Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

What's the difference between three penises and a joke? Your mom can't take a joke.

One woman I was dating called and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

You have so many gaps in your teeth, it looks like your tongue is in jail.

You are so ugly, the last time you got a piece of ass was when your hand slipped through the toilet paper.