I'll never forget the first time we met, although I'll keep trying.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
My friend told me he had the body of a Greek god. I had to explain to him that Buddha is not Greek.
When somebody calls you gay, say, "I'm straighter than the pole your mom dances on."
Q: Why are blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.