You've got the perfect weapon against muggers. Your face.
Well, they do say opposites attract. So I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
How did giraffes come to be? Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
Bob: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Joe: "To get to the idiot's house."
Bob: "Knock knock."
Joe: "Who's there?"
Bob: "The chicken."