How did giraffes come to be? Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
A mother said to her son, "Look at that kid over there; he's not misbehaving." The son replied, "Maybe he has good parents then!"
Tell me, as an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
Bob: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Joe: "To get to the idiot's house."
Bob: "Knock knock."
Joe: "Who's there?"
Bob: "The chicken."
You're so ugly, your husband takes you with him everywhere he goes, so he doesn't have to kiss you goodbye.