You're so fat you're the reason why the Earth is tilted.
Q: How do you leave a jackass in suspense?
A: Don't know. I'll tell you tomorrow
You're lucky mirrors don't talk, or laugh for that matter.
Bob: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Joe: "To get to the idiot's house."
Bob: "Knock knock."
Joe: "Who's there?"
Bob: "The chicken."
I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.