You're so fat you're the reason why the Earth is tilted.
A man siting at a bar asked a pretty woman sitting next to him, Excuse me, but can I smell your pussy?" "Get away from me, you pervert," she replied. "Oh, I'm sorry," exclaims the man, "It must be your feet."
Q: How do you leave a jackass in suspense?
A: Don't know. I'll tell you tomorrow
Bob: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Joe: "To get to the idiot's house."
Bob: "Knock knock."
Joe: "Who's there?"
Bob: "The chicken."
You're lucky mirrors don't talk, or laugh for that matter.