joke bank - Latest Jokes

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called bagles

Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!
911: Alright, What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what's your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.

Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"
Nobody stands up
Teacher: "I'm sure there are some stupid students over here!!"
Little Johnny stands up
Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"
Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed. I never knew they worked.

Three doctors are out geese-hunting. A gaggle flies over and the oncologist raises and then lowers his gun. "I better conduct an MRI first to determine if those were really geese." Some more geese fly by & the endocrinologist raises his gun and then lowers it. "I'll need some bloodwork to conduct an A1C and determine what those birds were first." Some more geese fly over. The trauma doc raises his shotgun and blows them out of the sky. "What were those things, anyway?" he asks.

How do you get a Florida State graduate off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.

The student asked René DesCartes, "Professor, you say 'I think therefore I am.' But how do I know it is I who is thinking?"
"Who wants to know?" answered the old philosopher.

Q. What do you call a fake noodle?
A. An Impasta!

What's the difference between a Jew and the San Antonio Spurs? The Spurs could beat the Heat.

Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: You wave to her!

Q: Why were there 17 blondes standing outside the pub?
A: Because the sign said you have to be 18 to enter.

Yo Momma is so fat, when she switches her cell phone from one ear to the other she get billed for roaming.