Brunette: "Where were you born?"
Brunette: "Which part?"
Blonde: "All of me."
Tom was at the hospital visiting with his best friend Larry who was dying. Tom asked, "If there is baseball in heaven will you come back and tell me?" Larry nodded yes just as he passed away. That night while Tom was sleeping, he heard Larry's voice in a dream, "Tom..." "Larry! What is it?!" asked Tom. "I have good news and bad news from heaven." "What's the good news?" "There is baseball in heaven after all, but the bad news is you're pitching on Tuesday."
Q: Have you heard about the new restaurant called Karma?
A: There’s no menu; you get what you deserve.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Innkeeper: "The room is $15 a night. It's $5 if you make your own bed."
Guest: "I'll make my own bed."
Innkeeper: "Good. I'll get you some nails and wood."