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joke bank - Miscellaneous Jokes

Q: Why did the tofu cross the road?
A: To prove he wasn't chicken.

Victor Le

Q: Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?
A: Because freedom rings!

h_crumbs

I saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to reverse and leaving the scene.

Translater

Q. What did the pop star do when he locked himself out?
A. He sang until he found the right key!

hello_the_...

Two drunks are sitting in a bar when one of them turns to the other one and asks, "Hey, isn't that Hortense?" The other drunk chimes in and says, "No, she looks pretty relaxed to me."

Mark My Words

Mahatma Gandhi often walked barefoot which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, making him rather frail and with his odd diet he often suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.

Audra, Me,...

Pedro lives in an orphanage. One day Pedro is heading towards town with his hands claped together, when the padre who runs this orphanage asks Pedro, "What do you have in your hands and where are you going?" Pedro replies, "Father, I have horseflies and I am going to town to get horses." Sure enough later Pedro comes back with two beautiful Arabians. Next day Pedro walks past the priest again with the same question, "Pedro, what do you have in your hand and where are you going?" Pedro replies once again, "Father I have butter and I am going to town to get butterflies." Sure enough Pedro returns with beautiful monarch butterflies. The very next day Pedro is headed towards town once again when the Priest asks the same question, "Pedro what do you have in your hands and where are you going?" Again Pedro replies, "Father I have Pussy willows-" "Wait, Pedro!" says the Priest, "I'll go with you!!"

Mark My Words

Q: Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?
A: Because it’s pointless!

Anonymous

At a wedding party recently, someone yelled, "All the married men, please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living!" The bartender was crushed to death.

mlevin1958

Two hunters are out in the forest when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls 911 and gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

Sydney Van...

I left my Adderall in my Ford Fiesta, now it’s a Ford Focus.

Bob

Q: What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
A: "Odor in the court!"

jonpingel