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joke bank - Miscellaneous Jokes

Q: What's red and smells like blue paint?
A: Red paint.

Anonymous

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's very time consuming.

screwstock

A construction worker on the third floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees one of the laborers on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he can't hear. So, the guy on the third floor tries to use signs. He points to his eye, meaning, "I," then at his knee, meaning, "need," and he moves his hand back and forth, meaning, "handsaw." The man on the first floor nods, then drops his pants and begins to masturbate. The man on the third floor freaks out and runs down to the first floor yelling, ''What the hell is wrong with you!? Are you stupid or something? I was saying that I needed a handsaw!'' The laborer looks at the carpenter and says, ''I knew that. I was just trying to tell you that I was coming.''

Monty & Sam

Q: What did the beaver say to the tree?
A: "It's been nice gnawing you!"

Anonymous

How I learned to mind my own business: I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and I could hear all the patients shouting, "13! 13! 13!" The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on. Someone poked me in the eye with a stick! Then they all started shouting, "14! 14! 14!"

archie

What's Harry Potter's way to get to the bottom of a hill? Running...JK! Rolling.

pinkshorts...

Q: What did the janitor yell when he jumped out of the closet?
A: "Supplies!"

LAMEGIRL23

Q: What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind as it hits your windshield?
A: Its butt.

LEXMIA

Traveling through the country, an old couple drives into a gas station. The attendant asks the old man, "Where you folks from? I know everybody in this town." The old man says, "We're from Nebraska." Hard of hearing, the old lady nudges her husband, "What did he say, papa?" The old man answers her, "He asked us where we are from." "Oh," replies the old woman. The old man tells the attendant to fill up the tank and check the tires. When that's all done, the attendant tells the old man, "You know, the worst piece of ass I ever had was from Nebraska." The old lady nudges her husband once more and asks, "What did he say, papa?" The husband replies, "He thinks he knows you, mama."

Mark My Words

Q: Why did the chicken cross the möbius strip?
A: To get to the same side.

square boy

What is so great about being a test tube baby? You get a womb with a view.

Anonymous

Me: Siri, where is the best place to hide a body?
Siri: The second page of a Google search.

Anonymous