Q: Why did God invent lawyers?
A: So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
A guy riding on a motorcycle was wearing a tee-shirt. The back of his shirt says, "If you can read this the b*tch fell off."
On a public holiday, a doctor has some trouble with his kitchen sink. He calls the local plumber, only to be told that it's his day off. "But I get called out on my days off too!" says the doctor, somewhat exasperated. So the plumber relents. The plumber arrives, and glances over the sink, looking preoccupied. He mumbles something about golf, then hands the doctor a couple of aspirin and walks out, saying, "Put these in. If it doesn't clear up in 24 hours, call me tomorrow."
Patient: Doctor,will I be able to play the piano after the operation? Doctor: Yes,of course. Patient: Great, I never could before.
A woman gave birth at a hospital and the doctor asked, "What will you name her?" The woman thought and said, "I think I'll name her Sarah!" The doctor said, "I'm sorry to inform you miss, but Sarah is not available. But you can try Sarah_2045 or 99_Sarah!"