LAUGHTER WITH A CAUSE WITH MAZ JOBRANI & FRIENDS ON NOVEMBER 1 IN OUR HOLLYWOOD CLUB! GET YOUR TIX NOW!

joke bank - Miscellaneous Jokes

What's Harry Potter's way to get to the bottom of a hill? Running...JK! Rolling.

pinkshorts...

Q: Why is the letter B very cool?
A: Because it's sitting in the AC.

Anonymous

Doctor: “You’ll live to be 60!”
Patient: “I am 60!”
Doctor: “See! What did I tell you?”

Bookworm

Waiter: "Do you want any dessert?"
Teddy Bear: "No Thanks. I'm Stuffed!"

Anonymous

Me: Siri, where is the best place to hide a body?
Siri: The second page of a Google search.

Anonymous

I saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to reverse and leaving the scene.

Translater

I left my Adderall in my Ford Fiesta, now it’s a Ford Focus.

Bob

Q: Why did they have to bury George Washington standing up?
A: Because he could never lie.

Anonymous

Two salesmen were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their offer and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude salesmen were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of the men said: "Ma'am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat."

mr.minecraft

Two hunters are out in the forest when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls 911 and gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

Sydney Van...

At a wedding party recently, someone yelled, "All the married men, please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living!" The bartender was crushed to death.

mlevin1958

A construction worker on the third floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees one of the laborers on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he can't hear. So, the guy on the third floor tries to use signs. He points to his eye, meaning, "I," then at his knee, meaning, "need," and he moves his hand back and forth, meaning, "handsaw." The man on the first floor nods, then drops his pants and begins to masturbate. The man on the third floor freaks out and runs down to the first floor yelling, ''What the hell is wrong with you!? Are you stupid or something? I was saying that I needed a handsaw!'' The laborer looks at the carpenter and says, ''I knew that. I was just trying to tell you that I was coming.''

Monty & Sam