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joke bank - Miscellaneous Jokes

Once there was a farmer that was very protective of his three daughters. When they told him they were going to go out on dates one night, the farmer decided to wait outside with a shotgun. The first boy arrived for the first daughter, and he said, "Hi, my name is Freddy. I'm here for Betty. We're going for spaghetti. Is she ready?" The farmer decided he was decent enough, and let them go. The second boy arrived for the second daughter, and said, "Hi, my name is Joe. I'm here for Flo. We're going to a show. Is she good to go?" Again, the farmer decided he was decent enough and let them go. Finally, the last boy came, and he said, "Hi, my name is Chuck..." and the farmer shot him.

Mothertrucker

What is so great about being a test tube baby? You get a womb with a view.

Anonymous

Waiter: "Do you want any dessert?"
Teddy Bear: "No Thanks. I'm Stuffed!"

Anonymous

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in pal. You're obviously drunk." The wasted man asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" "Yeah buddy, I'm sure," said the cop, "Let's go." Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness. I thought I was crippled."

laughflava

Q: Can a match box?
A: No, but a tin can.

Anonymous

An American Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face. “Mom, why is my big brother named Mighty Storm?” “Because he was conceived during a mighty storm.” “Why is my sister named Cornflower?” “Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her." "And why is my other sister called Moonchild?” "We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived. Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?”

Tenderoni

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

AliZ123

Q: Why is the letter B very cool?
A: Because it's sitting in the AC.

Anonymous

Q: Why did the reporter rush into the ice cream shop?
A: He was looking for a scoop.

Ellie K.

A guy was at a bar and needed to fart. He decided the music was so loud that he just went for it and timed his farts to the beat of the music. After he relieved himself he looked up to see everyone staring at him. Than he realized that he was listening to his iPod.

noely

I left my Adderall in my Ford Fiesta, now it’s a Ford Focus.

Bob

A little boy gets a toy plane. The boy loves his plane. He flies it all over the house. One day, the boy is in the living room with his plane while his mom is in the kitchen washing dishes. She listens to the boy playing and hears him say, "Vroom, vroom, vroom. All you mother fucking people want to get on, get on. All you mother fucking people want to get off, get off." Angry, his mom rushes into the living room, takes the plane away, and sends him into his room. After 15 minutes, she starts to feel bad and tells the boy, "If you don't use that kind of language, you can play with your plane." The boy returns to the living room, his mom to the kitchen. She listens again to the boy playing, she hears him say, "Vroom, vroom, vroom. All you very nice people want to get on, get on. All you very nice people want to get off, get off. If you have a problem with 15 minute delay, you can go talk to the bitch in the kitchen!"

Maniackill...