Q: Why did the reporter rush into the ice cream shop?
A: He was looking for a scoop.
Chuck Norris got shot. We are now in the hospital, where the bullet is in critical condition.
My new thesaurus is terrible. It's also terrible.
An old man goes to the doctor for some tests. When he gets the results, the doctor tells him that he has bad news. The old man says, "Just give it to me straight, doc." The doctor says, "Well, you have cancer, and you have Alzheimer's." The old man says, "I guess it could be worse. I could have cancer."
What is so great about being a test tube baby? You get a womb with a view.