joke bank - Miscellaneous Jokes

Have you heard the story of the magic sandwich? Never mind, it's just a bunch of bologna.

Iamsnappy4

Two salesmen were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their offer and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude salesmen were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of the men said: "Ma'am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat."

mr.minecraft

What is so great about being a test tube baby? You get a womb with a view.

Anonymous

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

AliZ123

I left my Adderall in my Ford Fiesta, now it’s a Ford Focus.

Bob

A guy was at a bar and needed to fart. He decided the music was so loud that he just went for it and timed his farts to the beat of the music. After he relieved himself he looked up to see everyone staring at him. Than he realized that he was listening to his iPod.

noely

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Silenxio M...

Q: Why did they have to bury George Washington standing up?
A: Because he could never lie.

Anonymous

An old woman is upset at her husband’s funeral. "You have him in a brown suit and I wanted him in a blue suit." The mortician says, "We’ll take care of it, ma’am," and yells to the back, "Ed, switch the heads on two and four!"

Erminie

Hickory Dickory Dock. Two mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one and the other got away with minor injuries.

Mark My Words

Q: Why did the reporter rush into the ice cream shop?
A: He was looking for a scoop.

Ellie K.

''Doctor, my nose is 11 inches long!"
''Come back when it grows into a foot!"

hello_the_...