CHRIS D'ELIA IS BACK ON THE LUCK OF THE IRISH SHOW ON FEB. 23RD! LAUGH ALL NIGHT WITH SOCAL'S BEST COMICS ON ALL-STAR COMEDY EVERY FRIDAY AND SATURDAY NIGHT IN HOLLYWOOD! YOU NEVER KNOW WHO COULD DROP BY ON THE SET DANE COOK IS BACK THIS TUESDAY (FEB 20) AND SATURDAY (FEB 24) TO MAKE YOU LAUGH ALL NIGHT! DON'T MISS THIS SO GET YOUR TICKETS NOW!

joke bank - Miscellaneous Jokes

Q: What does a vegan zombie eat?
A: Graaaiiiiinnnssss.

TheLaughFa...

When I was single I had this old aunt that use to come up to me at family weddings and poke me in the ribs and say, "You’re next." She stopped after I did the same to her at a funeral.

jecox11

Q: How do you cook toilet paper?
A: First you brown it. Then you throw it in the pot.

Anonymous

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office and said, "Kevin, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm sorry to tell you that the man you saved later hung himself." "He didn't hang himself," Kevin replied, "I hung him up to dry."

JamesVilly

Q: Who was the smallest man in the Bible?
A: King David because he was only 12 inches tall as he was a ruler.

Anonymous

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

TheLaughFa...

A wife saw her husband weight himself on the scale trying to pull in the stomach. The wife thought he was trying to reduce his weight on the scale. So she said, "You know, I don't think that will help you." The husband replies, "Of course it helps. It is the only way I can see the number on the scale."

Alavi

A teacher asks little Johnny if he knows his one to 10 well. "Yes! Of course! My pop taught me, even more than 10!" "Good. What comes after three?” "Four." "What comes after six?" "Seven." "Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. Now, what comes after, let's say 10?" "A jack."

Efrey

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "All I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious - Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything." "Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

heatherbur...

There once was a Realtor named Hall
With a hexahedronical ball.
The cube of its weight
Plus his pecker times eight
Is his phone number. Give him a call!

rlafey

I’m on a whiskey diet. I have lost three days already.

TheLaughFa...

A guy riding on a motorcycle was wearing a tee-shirt. The back of his shirt says, "If you can read this the b*tch fell off."

gundhus