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joke bank - Miscellaneous Jokes

Q: What would George Washington be doing if he were alive? A: Terrified, screaming in his coffin.

Jonny B

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A: After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.

TheLaughFa...

Q: What has 75 balls and screws old ladies? A: Bingo!

the void

Q: What did the blanket say to the bed?
A: "I got you covered."

Capricorn37

There are 3 types of people in this world: those who can count and those who can't.

Lorris Simon

Q: What do eggs do for fun?
A: Karayolke (karaoke).

big will

There are three men that work together, an Italian, an Irish, and a Polish man. One day, the Italian man is having lunch and says, "If my wife makes me a meatball sandwich again, I'm going to jump off the building." The Irish man and the Polish man say the same thing because they all have the same lunch everyday. The next day, the three men go to eat their lunches and they are the same as usual. The Italian man has a meatball sandwich, the Irish man has baked potatoes, and the Polish man has kilbossi with a roll and mustard. They walk all the way up the stairs to the roof and jump off. The cops find them, call their wives, and bring them to the building where their husbands work. Nobody knows why they jumped except a co-worker, who tells the police that the men didn't like their lunches, so they jumped off. The Italian's wife says, "He should have told me, I would have made him something different." The Irish man's wife says the same thing. The Polish man's wife says, "I don't know why he jumped, he makes his own lunch."

axylaxy27

A young man walks up to his granny and asks her, "Granny, have you seen my pills? They're marked LSD." She replies, "Forget the pills, have you seen the dragon in the kitchen!?"

Reptile

Q: What gets longer when pulled, fits nicely between boobs, inserts perfectly in a hole, and works best when jerked?
A: A seatbelt.

Josh Alonzo

A teacher asked three students what causes war. The first student said, "Knives." The second one said, "Guns." The third one drew a dot on the board. The teacher asked, "What's that?" The student replied, "A period." The teacher asked "How does a period cause war?" The student replied, "If my sister misses one, my mom will kill her."

Anonymous

I got in a fight one time with a really big tough guy who said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

Anonymous

How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Wanna ride a bike?

samiedrew