joke bank - Miscellaneous Jokes

A violinist went to sleep. His dream was like this: An angel appeared from the skies and told him:"I have two news to tell you. One is good news and the other one is bad news . With which one should I start?" And the violinist replied: "With the good one". The angel continues: "After you die you will go to heaven. And in heaven you will be sitting besides Paganini, in the heaven´s Orchestra.". The violinist, stunned with this amazing news, asked about the bad news, and the angel replied: "The bad news is that your first rehearsal starts tomorrow".

TheVagabon...

Q: What gets longer when pulled, fits nicely between boobs, inserts perfectly in a hole, and works best when jerked?
A: A seatbelt.

Josh Alonzo

How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Wanna ride a bike?

samiedrew

If beauty was a drop of water, then you would be the Atlantic Ocean.

BigDaddyCat

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Anonymous

I like escalators because they can never break, they can only become stairs. You should never see a sign next to an escalator that says, "Escaltor Temporarily Out of Service." Just a sign that says, "Escalator Temporarily Stairs, Sorry for the Inconvenience."

Nebikinezer

"My brother likes to brag about the size of his penis which doesn't bother me, I just wish he wouldn't rub it in my face."

chr1sfenton

Little Bobby's teacher asked everyone to draw something exciting. Isabel drew a puppy, Jeffrey drew a cake, and little Bobby drew a period. The teacher looked puzzled and asked Bobby, "How is this exciting?" Bobby said, "Well it may not be to you, but my sister is missing two, so there is a lot of excitement at my house."

Dez nut ha...

Did you hear about the dyslexic traffic cop who spent the weekend handing out IUD's?

Mark My Words

A man goes skydiving. After a fantastic free fall, he pulls the rip cord to open his parachute but nothing happens. He tries everything but can't get it open. Just then another man flies by him, going up. The skydiver yells, "Hey, you know anything about parachutes?" The man replies, "No, you know anything about dynamite?"

Anonymous

How many real men does it take to change a light bulb? None. Real men aren't afraid of the dark!

JSM422

What does Delaware?


New Jersey!

Cynthia Ke...