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joke bank - Miscellaneous Jokes

Q: Why did the fish blush?
A: Because it saw the ocean's bottom.

cj

Q: If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
A: Big hands.

jj zenir

A policeman sees a little girl riding her bike and says, "Did Santa get you that?" "Yes," replies the little girl. "Well," says the policeman, "tell Santa to put a reflector light on it next year," and fines her $5. The girl looks up at the policeman and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?" The policeman chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "next year, tell Santa the ass goes on the back of the horse and not on top of it."

ohninaa

Q: What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
A: "You're too young to smoke."

Terence Ol...

PMS jokes aren't funny. Period.

Silenxio M...

Dad: "Say 'daddy.'"
Baby: "Mommy!"
Dad: "Come on, say 'daddy!'"
Baby: "Mommy!"
Dad: "F*ck you. Say 'daddy!'"
Baby: "F*ck you. Mommy!"
Mom: "Honey, I'm home!"
Baby: "F*ck you!"
Mom: "Who taught you to say that?"
Baby: "Daddy!"
Dad: "Son of a b*tch."

Joe Montoya

I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.

Aiden

Two men visit a prostitute. The first man goes into the bedroom. He comes out ten minutes later and says, "Heck. My wife is better than that." The second man goes in. He comes out ten minutes later and says, "You know? Your wife IS better."

Kevin Slack

A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."

Hayden Thomas

Q: What type of sandals do frogs wear?
A: Open-toad!

polina

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled, "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted to. I was keeping the umbrella.

Kaziah

Q: What is the difference between a teacher and a train?
A: One says, "Spit out your gum," and the other says, "Choo choo choo!"

Capricorn37