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joke bank - Miscellaneous Jokes

Q: What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
A: "You're too young to smoke."

Terence Ol...

Two men visit a prostitute. The first man goes into the bedroom. He comes out ten minutes later and says, "Heck. My wife is better than that." The second man goes in. He comes out ten minutes later and says, "You know? Your wife IS better."

Kevin Slack

PMS jokes aren't funny. Period.

Silenxio M...

Q: If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
A: Big hands.

jj zenir

Q: Why did the fish blush?
A: Because it saw the ocean's bottom.

cj

A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."

Hayden Thomas

I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.

Aiden

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled, "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted to. I was keeping the umbrella.

Kaziah

Q: What type of sandals do frogs wear?
A: Open-toad!

polina

A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done." She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees. After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The bastard used coins, so I'm still picking it up and he is still having sex with me!"

Bertha Kee

Q: What is the difference between a teacher and a train?
A: One says, "Spit out your gum," and the other says, "Choo choo choo!"

Capricorn37

At the doctor's office, Tom was getting a check up. "I have good news and bad news," says the doctor. "The good news is you have 24 hours left to live." Tom replies, "That's the good news?!" Then the doctor says, "The bad news is I should have told you that yesterday."

Anonymous