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joke bank - Miscellaneous Jokes

Dad: "Say 'daddy.'"
Baby: "Mommy!"
Dad: "Come on, say 'daddy!'"
Baby: "Mommy!"
Dad: "F*ck you. Say 'daddy!'"
Baby: "F*ck you. Mommy!"
Mom: "Honey, I'm home!"
Baby: "F*ck you!"
Mom: "Who taught you to say that?"
Baby: "Daddy!"
Dad: "Son of a b*tch."

Joe Montoya

Q: Why did the fish blush?
A: Because it saw the ocean's bottom.

cj

Q: If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
A: Big hands.

jj zenir

Q: What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
A: "You're too young to smoke."

Terence Ol...

PMS jokes aren't funny. Period.

Silenxio M...

Three dead men go to hell at the same time. There is a white man, a Chinese man, and a Mexican man. Satan tells them that they can only leave hell if he can't do what they ask. The white man asks for the fastest sports car in the world; he goes to into hell. The Chinese man asks for the most advanced computer in the world; he goes into to hell. The Mexican man gets a glass soda bottle, farts into it, closes the lid, pokes many holes in the lid, and asks Satan which hole the fart came from. After pointing to every hole on the lid, the Mexican turns around, points at his butt hole, and says, "Nope, this one."

Anonymous

Two men visit a prostitute. The first man goes into the bedroom. He comes out ten minutes later and says, "Heck. My wife is better than that." The second man goes in. He comes out ten minutes later and says, "You know? Your wife IS better."

Kevin Slack

I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.

Aiden

A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."

Hayden Thomas

Q: What type of sandals do frogs wear?
A: Open-toad!

polina

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled, "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted to. I was keeping the umbrella.

Kaziah

Q: What is the difference between a teacher and a train?
A: One says, "Spit out your gum," and the other says, "Choo choo choo!"

Capricorn37