A taxi passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, goes up on the footpath, and stops centimeters from a shop window. For a second, everything goes quiet in the cab, then the driver says, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologizes and says, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much.” The driver replies, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
Doctor: “You’ll live to be 60!”
Patient: “I am 60!”
Doctor: “See! What did I tell you?”
A doctor tells an old couple at his office he needs to get a stool sample, a urine sample, and a blood test from the old man. Hard of hearing, the old man asks his wife what the doctor said. The wife replies, "He needs a pair of your underwear."
At the doctor's office, Tom was getting a check up. "I have good news and bad news," says the doctor. "The good news is you have 24 hours left to live." Tom replies, "That's the good news?!" Then the doctor says, "The bad news is I should have told you that yesterday."
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars?
A: You can see right through them.