Q: What does a vegan zombie eat?
Cow goes who?
No, cow goes "Moo!"
An old man goes to the doctor for some tests. When he gets the results, the doctor tells him that he has bad news. The old man says, "Just give it to me straight, doc." The doctor says, "Well, you have cancer, and you have Alzheimer's." The old man says, "I guess it could be worse. I could have cancer."
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Q: Why did the reporter rush into the ice cream shop?
A: He was looking for a scoop.