Chocolate Sundaes is live this Sunday!

joke bank - Miscellaneous Jokes

Q: Have you heard about the new restaurant called Karma?
A: There’s no menu; you get what you deserve.

TheLaughFa...

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
I eat mop
I eat mop who?
Hah! You said, "I eat ma poo!"

Anonymous

Officer: "Madam, swimming is prohibited in this lake."
Lady: "Why didn't you tell me when I was removing my clothes?"
Officer: "Well, that's not prohibited."

MUHAMAD UMAIR

Two mental patients were walking next to a swimming pool. One jumped into the pool and the other jumped in to save him. Their doctor saw the rescue and called the rescuer to his office. "Due to your actions, it appears your mental state is fine," the doctor said to the patient, "You can go home to your family, but before you do, you should know that the person you saved hung himself today." The patient replied, "He didn't hang himself; I hung him there to dry."

Anonymous

You know you're getting old when your wife says, "Honey, lets run upstairs and make love," and you answer, "I can't do both."

Rimmothy

Late one night, a preacher was driving on a country road and had a wreck. A farmer stopped and said, "Sir, are you okay?" The preacher said, "Yes, I had the Lord riding with me." The farmer said, "Well, you better let him ride with me, because you're gonna kill him."

Anonymous

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse approaches the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You're the father of twins.” “That's odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!” A nurse then yells the second man, “Congratulations! You're the father of triplets!” “That's weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!” A nurse goes up to the third man saying, “Congratulations! You're the father of quadruplets." “That's strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!” The last man begins groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What's wrong?” the others ask. “I work for 7 Up!”

Anonymous

Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?
A: Because they don't know where home is.

the chicken

One day in class, the teacher brought a bag full of fruit and said, "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit and you tell me which fruit I'm talking about. Alright, the first one is round, plump, and red. Little Johnny raised his hand high but the teacher ignored him and picked Deborah who promptly answered, "Apple." The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now the second one is soft, fuzzy and colored red and brown." Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him but she calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" Billy asks. "No, it's a potato, but I like your thinking," the teacher replies. "Okay the next one is long, yellow, and fairly hard." Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically but the teacher calls on Sally who say, "A banana." The teacher responds, "No, it's a squash, but I like your thinking." Johnny is irritated now so he speaks up loudly, "Hey, I've got one for you teacher. Let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it. It's round, hard, and it's got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries, "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "It's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"

jonmcginty

Got tasered picking up my friend from the airport today. Apparently security doesn't like it when you shout, "Hi Jack!"

TheLaughFa...

Contest in a girl's college: write a short story which contains religion, sex and mystery.
Winner's story: "Oh god, I am pregnant, I wonder who did it."

marcus walker

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either.

ForgusBorgus