MAZ JOBRANI - TROPICANA LAS VEGAS - JUNE 30-JULY 3

joke bank - Miscellaneous Jokes

One day, 3 men died and went to heaven. "Religion?" God's secretary asked the first man.
"Jewish," the man replied.
"Okay, go to room 23, but be very quiet when you go past room 8," the secretary said.
"Religion?" he asked the second man.
"Muslim."
"Go to room 10, but be very quiet when you go past room 8."
"Religion?" he asked the third man.
"Agnostic."
"Go to room 71, but be very quiet when you go past room 8."
"Why must I be quiet when I go past room 8?" the man asked.
The secretary replied, "Oh, the Catholics are in room 8, and they think that they are they only ones here."

Guybrush

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either.

ForgusBorgus

One day a duck walks in a store and ask the manager if they sell grapes. The manager says, "No, we don't sell grapes." The duck goes home and comes back the next day and asks the same question. The manager says the same thing again, "No, we do not sell grapes." The duck goes home, comes back the next day, and asks the manager if they sell grapes. This time the manager says, "No, we don't sell grapes! If you ask one more time, I will nail your beak to the floor!" The duck goes home. It comes back the next day and asks the manager if he has any nails. The manager says, "No, I don't have any nails." The duck says, "Okay, good. Do you sell grapes?"

FuzzyPanda123

A guy is sitting at a bar, and a drunk dude walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The first guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk dude comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The first guy looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk dude walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what, Dad? Go home!"

Stampi2

If number two pencils are so popular why are they still number two?

Sarah

There are three friends named Mad, Brain, and Fight. One day Fight went missing and his friends Mad and Brain started searching for him. Then Brain said, "Mad, let's file a missing person report with the police." When they were about to walk into the police station, Brain said, "Mad, you go and make the report. I will wait for you here." Mad said, "Okay." Mad walked in but no police officers paid attention to him. Then he saw a policeman drinking a cup of coffee. Mad went to the officer, smacked the table, and the cup of coffee flew in the air, landing in the officer's lap. Angry, the policeman asked, "Are you looking for a fight?" Mad replied, "Yes, I am." The policeman asked, "Are you mad?" Mad replied, "Yes, I am Mad." The policeman then asked, "Don't you have a brain?" Mad replied, "Brain is outside sir."

Anonymous

Two blondes walk beside each other down the street. One of them sees a broken piece of mirror on the ground, grabs it, looks at it and says, "This girl looks so familiar, but I can't remember where I know her from." The other girl grabs it from her hand, takes a look at it, and says, "It's me you idiot!"

alice10

A man called his child's doctor, "Hello! My son just snatched my pen when I was writing and swallowed it. What should I do?" The doctor replied, "Until I can come over, write with another pen."

Gerri

Q: Why did the painting go to jail?
A: It was framed.

Capricorn37

Q: What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?
A: "Better hold onto your nuts because this is no ordinary blowjob."

dhattprettymf

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone: "Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin." Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote: "Returned unopened."

Frank C.

Q: If you were forced to go through one of the following doors, which door do you go through with 100 % certainty you'd stay alive: a door with a man with a gun behind it, a door with a tiger who hasn't eaten in 7 years behind it, or a door with an electrical chair behind it?
A: The one with the tiger behind it, because if it hasn't eaten in 7 years it's dead.

Kroft