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joke bank - Office Jokes

I love pressing F5. It is so refreshing.

Zach Booth

I love pressing F5. It is so refreshing.

Zach Booth

A Guy urgently needed a few days off work,
But, he knew the Boss would not allow him to leave.
he thought that maybe if he acted "Crazy"
Then he would tell him to take a few days off.
So, he hung upside-down on the ceiling &
Made funny noises.
His co-worker (who's blonde)! asked him what he was doing.
He told her that he was pretending to be a light bulb,
So, that the Boss might think he was "Crazy" & give him a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked,
"What are you doing?"
He told him he was a light bulb.
He said, "You are clearly stressed out."
Go home & recuperate for a couple of days."
He jumped down & walked out of the office...
When his co-worker (the blonde) followed him,
The Boss asked her
"...And where do you think you're going?!"
She said,
"I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!!

Anonymous

Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush.

Mark My Words

An old lady rushed into the police department and claimed she was raped. When asked what the guy looked like, she said she didn't know, only that he was a contractor. When asked how she knew that, she yelled, "All he could say was, 'I'm coming! I'm coming!' and he never finished the job."

myaghoubi

Why won't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.

Anonymous

Why was the lawyer skimming the Bible right before he died? He was looking for loopholes!

Anonymous

An infinite crowd of mathematicians enter a bar. The first one orders a pint, the second one orders half a pint, the third one orders a quarter pint. The bartender says, "I understand," and pours two pints.

mmowry

Guy calls in to his Boss:
Worker: I can't come to work today. I'm sick
Boss: Oh yea! What's wrong with you now?
Worker: I have anal glaucoma.
Boss: What the hell is that?
Worker: I just can't see my ass working today.

Anonymous

Why is christmas just like the day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Anonymous

While visiting a friend in the hospital, a young man notices several pretty nurses, each one of them wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. “What does the pin signify?” he asks one of them. “Oh! Nothing,” she says with a chuckle, “we just use it to keep the doctors away.”

VinceA

What do you call a bench full of white people? The NBA!

kwikski19