It was the first day of school. Harry's mother went into his bedroom and said, "Come on Harry, get up now. You have to go to school today." "But I don't want to go to school," replied Harry, "I want to stay in bed. Why do I have to go to school"? "Because," answered his mother, "you're a teacher!"

An old lady rushed into the police department and claimed she was raped. When asked what the guy looked like, she said she didn't know, only that he was a contractor. When asked how she knew that, she yelled, "All he could say was, 'I'm coming! I'm coming!' and he never finished the job."

An infinite crowd of mathematicians enter a bar. The first one orders a pint, the second one orders half a pint, the third one orders a quarter pint. The bartender says, "I understand," and pours two pints.

Why was the lawyer skimming the Bible right before he died? He was looking for loopholes!

What do your boss and a slinky have in common? They’re both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.