An old lady rushed into the police department and claimed she was raped. When asked what the guy looked like, she said she didn't know, only that he was a contractor. When asked how she knew that, she yelled, "All he could say was, 'I'm coming! I'm coming!' and he never finished the job."
An infinite crowd of mathematicians enter a bar. The first one orders a pint, the second one orders half a pint, the third one orders a quarter pint. The bartender says, "I understand," and pours two pints.
Why was the lawyer skimming the Bible right before he died? He was looking for loopholes!
What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their necks in sand? Not enough sand.
Why won't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.