Have you heard about McDonald’s new Obama Value Meal? Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

I was playing UNO with a bunch of Mexicans, and they were cheating because they kept stealing all the green cards.

Q: What did Osama Bin Laden's ghost say to Mitt Romney? A: "Don't be sad, Obama's foreign policy killed me too"

A young gay man calls home and tells his Jewish mother that he has decided to go back into the closet because he has met a wonderful girl and they are going to be married. He tells his mother that he is sure she will be happier since he knows that his gay lifestyle has been very disturbing to her. She responds that she is indeed delighted and asks tentatively, "I suppose it would be too much to hope that she would be Jewish?" He tells her that not only is the girl Jewish, but she’s from a wealthy Beverly Hills family. She admits she is overwhelmed by the news, and asks, "What is her name?" He answers, "Monica Lewinsky." There is a pause, then his mother asks, "What happened to that nice black boy you were dating last year?"

Have you heard about the Osama Bin Laden celebratory drink? It's two shots and a splash of water!