joke bank - Political Jokes

One day, the pope was in from Italy and after a rough week of meeting archbishops and other religious figures, he decided to go see the Galveston shore in Texas. When he arrives in his pope mobile, he sees a man struggling for his life aginst a shark. Upon a closer look he notices that it is John Kerry. Horrified, he starts to call for help when a speedboat pulls up along side Mr. Kerry, with George W. Bush and Dick Cheney on board. Dick Cheney leans over and pulls him out. Then George W. Busy and Dick Cheney begin to beat the shark to death with baseball bats. The two men notice the Pope and land the boat on the beach. The pope says to the men, "I know that there has been a lot of attention and a lot of strife in this election, but I can see that you two men respect each other and would help each other in their house of need. You have my blessings." The pope packs off and drives out of site. Bush asks, "Who was that?" "That was the pope Mr. President, he is all knowing and in touch with God. Leader of the Catholic Church," says Cheney. Bush says, "Well that's all neat and fine, but he doesn't know anything about shark fishing. Hows the bait holding up?"

A politician will find an excuse to get out of anything except office.

A priest, a politician, and a clown, walk into the bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

Have you heard about the Osama Bin Laden celebratory drink? It's two shots and a splash of water!

What did Clinton say when asked if he had used protection? "Sure, there was a guard standing right outside the door."

Q: What do you get when you combine a sex addict with a lesbian?
A: Bill and Hillary.

How did we know that Monica would testify? Because she has a history of not being able to keep her mouth closed.

How does Osama Bin Laden practice safe sex? He marks the camels that kick.

The state dinner at the White House honored the prime minister of India, and the menu was vegetarian. How do you like that for Thanksgiving? No turkey, wrong Indians.

Why did the Pakistani cross the road? Because the American government was subsidizing the construction of mango harvesting and preservation infrastructure in the region on the other side, allowing farmers with the necessary means to develop strong ties to American markets and earn significant profits.

I went into a Liberal clothing store today to purchase some pants. When I started trying on a few pairs, I noticed that all the pockets except one were visibly removed. I stopped a clerk and ask him if anyone complained. He said "No, Liberals always want a hand out." I asked what happened to the other pockets. "They don't go to waste: Conservatives use them to line theirs."

Why are there no K-Marts in Syria?
Cause there are targets everywhere!