So a man dies, goes to Heaven, and sees St. Peter. There are many clocks surrounding him so the man asks, "What are these clocks for?" St. Peter replies, "These are lie clocks, they tick once for every lie you tell. Here we have Mother Teresa's clock. She has never lied so the clock has not moved. Honest Abe has only lied twice in his life, so it has only ticked twice." The man then asks, "So where is George Bush's clock?" St. Peter replies, "Oh, that is in Jesus' office, he is using it as a ceiling fan!"
Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?
"Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room." — Phyllis Diller
What kind of sushi does Lady Gaga eat? Raw, raw, raw, raw, rawwww!
The New Jersey 'Tanning Mom' has recently create a doll and called it the 'Tanorexia' doll. The doll was so ugly, it turned Ken gay.