I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.
Yo mama so ugly the Terminator said, "I won't be back."
When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face.
Why did LaBron James skip college? Because he would never make it to the finals!
Q: What's the difference between Tom Cruise and a tuxedo?
A: One comes out of the closet on special occasions and the other is a tuxedo.