Did you hear about Whitney Houston's funeral? The line leading to the coffin stretched into the street. A few people showed up too.
Why is Ray Charles happy? Because he doesn't know he's black.
Q: What show do cows love to watch while they're eating?
A: Graze Anatomy.
The Tiger Woods short story using every nominated film of the 2010 Oscars. "We all thought Tiger Woods was a Serious Man. Then, last November he really screwed Up. Those Inglorious Basterds all came forward, not from District 9, but from the red light district. Tiger got caught from The Blind Side with his pants down. His Precious world then entered The Hurt Locker. He received An Education in Mississippi on Sex Addiction where he was told even as an Avatar, it’s still considered Cheating! After all this, his golf career is Up in the Air."
"Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room." — Phyllis Diller