Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
Yo momma's so fat and old when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mother to move out of the way.
What did God say when he made the first black man? "Damn, I burnt one."
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!