joke bank - Relationship Jokes

I've spent the last two years looking for my wife's killer, but nobody will do it.

TheLaughFa...

Peter sat at his dying wife's bedside. Her voice was little more than a whisper. "Pete darling," she breathed, "I've a confession to make before I go... I... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe. I spent it on a fling with your best friend, Alex. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the city. And I am the one who reported your income tax evasion to the government." "Don't give it a second thought, sweetheart. Who do you think gave you the poison?" answered Peter.

Anonymous

There is a husband and a wife. The husband dies, and during the funeral, the wife starts to laugh. Everybody starts to ask her why, and she says, "This is the first time that I know where my husband is going."

Marwan9m

A man and woman are sitting on their porch drinking a beer. The man says, "I love you." The woman says, "Is that you talking or the beer talking?" The man says, "That's me talking to the beer!"

Vicki from...

My wife and I are planning our 21st wedding anniversary celebration. Here lies the problem: she wants to go to Outback Steakhouse, I want sex, and my mother-in-law thinks we should renew our vows at church. Well, I'm all for compromise, so we should have sex outback of the church.

Mark My Words

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent!

stepbreaker

A young man looking to get married asked his friend. "Every woman I bring home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like." "Oh, that's easy," his pal replied, "All you have to do is find someone who is just like your mother." "I did that already," he said, "and that one my father didn't like."

sadaf85

A man was driving his wife home after a night out, when they were stopped by the police. “Sir, did you know you were speeding?” asked the officer. “No, I had no idea that I was speeding,” replied the husband. “Of course you were,” interrupted the wife, “you’re always speeding.” The officer looked at the rear of the vehicle and said, “And did you know your brake light is broken sir?” “No, I had no idea that it was broken,” replied the husband. Again the wife interrupted, “Of course you knew it was broken. You’re always saying you’ll get it repaired, but you never have.” The officer began to sympathize for the husband and said, “Does she always talk to you like this?” The wife said, “Only when he’s drunk.”

Anonymous

During a bank robbery, the thief's mask slipped off. He fixed it and asked a hostage, "Did you see my face?" The hostage had, so the thief killed him. He asked the next hostage, same result. After he asked a third hostage, the guy responded, "No, but my wife did."

rgactr

A man admitted he lied on his income tax return: he listed himself as the head of the household!

TheLaughFa...

A lady noticed her friend was wearing her wedding ring on the wrong finger so she asked, "Why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" Her friend replied, "Because I married the wrong man!"

yappy

Girlfriend: Darling, will you give me a ring on our wedding day?
Boyfriend: Sure, what is your number?

Anonymous