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joke bank - Relationship Jokes

A husband and wife decide on a code language whenever they feel like having sex to escape the attention of their son. According to the code language, the wife will be the typewriter and the husband will act as the typist. However, they had a petty quarrel a few days ago and were not talking to each other. One day the husband gets into the mood and he can’t hold any longer. So he sends a word to his wife through the son. The son comes and tells her, “Mom, dad wants to use the typewriter.” The wife was having her period at that time and she thought for a while and said, “Tell dad, he can’t because the red ribbon is on now,” she said. However, the husband misunderstands that it was a deliberate excuse on her part. Next day the son comes to his dad on an errand from his mom this time and tells him, “Dad, mom said it is okay now; the red ribbon is removed and you can type.” The husband then tells his son, “Tell your mom I don’t need to type now. It was urgent, so I've already written with my hand!”

Brianna

A man admitted he lied on his income tax return: he listed himself as the head of the household!

TheLaughFa...

Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.

LaughFactory

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.

LaughFactory

Q: Did you hear about the new "divorced" Barbie doll in stores now?
A: It comes with all of Ken’s stuff.

Anonymous

A little old lady comes into the kitchen to talk to her husband and says, "Honey just look at me. My legs are heavy, thighs are getting big, and boobs are sagging. I could really use a complement right about now." The husband replied, "You have really good eye sight!"

nightmaregirl

A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, “How long have you been wearing that bra?” The friend replies, “Ever since my wife found it in my car's glove compartment.”

TheLaughFa...

An old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoon. They were in bed getting ready to have sex for the first time and the old woman said, "I should tell you I have acute angina." The old man says, "I hope so. You sure don't have cute tits."

TheLaughFa...

A man comes home and sees a note on the refrigerator from his wife. She wrote, "This isn't working. I'm at my mother's." The man opens the fridge, the light turns on, and he says to himself, "What the hell? The fridge is working fine!"

Anonymous

A man came home to find his wife in bed with a stranger. "What the hell are you two doing?" He demanded. His wife turned to the stranger and said, "See, I told you he was stupid."

JOes

A man is standing at a grave, staring at the head stone. A second man walks up and asks, "Is this someone you knew?" The first guy says, "Yes, it was my wife." The second guy says, "It must be hard to lose a wife." The first guys replies, "Yep, damn near impossible."

KSConn1

The tenderest love is between two homosexual men with hemorrhoids.

Anonymous