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joke bank - Relationship Jokes

Boy: if you are smiling send me your smiles
- if you are sleeping send me your dreams
- if you are crying send me your tears
I LOVE YOU!

Girl: I am in the toilet what do i send?

Redpony???...

A country wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength, borne of fury, and cutting firewood, lifting sacks of feed, and bales of hay, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the barn. She put his manhood in a vice, secured it tightly, and removed the handle. Next, she picked up an old carpenter's saw. The banged up cheater was terrified and hollered, "Stop! Stop! You're not gonna cut it off with that rusty saw, are you?" The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her husband's hand and said, "Nope. You are! I'm gonna burn down the barn!"

cecesntraffic

A man found a genie in a magic lamp and was granted three wishes. The genie said, "For every wish you make, your wife gets two." The man asked for a car and the genie gave his wife two. Then the man asked for a house and again his wife got double. The jealous husband said, "For my last wish, beat me half to death."

Funny haha...

Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that instead.

naveen

A woman looks in the mirror and says I look fat and then asks her husband to give her a compliment he says ok you have perfect eye sight.

Aimee Szwaj

Man: So what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

LaughFactory

My girlfriend told me if I join one more comedy group on the Internet, she’s going to leave me. I’m really going to miss her.

JOHNNYGREEK

There's a man speeding on the road and a police officer is chasing him for miles. The man finally stops and the officer tells him, "When you see those lights and hear those sirens, you are supposed to stop!" The man says, "Well, I had a good excuse to keep driving." The officer says, "I've heard every excuse in the book, but if it's one I haven't heard, I'll let you go." The man says, "Well a few days ago, my wife ran off with one of your officers, and I was afraid you were trying to bring her back." So the officer let him go.

JT

Someone asked me, "Now that you are retired, do you still have a job?" I replied, "Yes I am my wife's sexual adviser." Somewhat shocked, they said, "I beg your pardon, but what do you mean by that?" "Very simple," I answered, "My wife has told me that when she wants my fucking advice, she'll ask me for it."

Anonymous

Q: Why do Jewish divorces cost so much?
A: They’re worth it.

Bookworm

Man: Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason.
Woman: Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

LaughFactory

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

LaughFactory