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joke bank - Relationship Jokes

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield

evralph

Q: What worse than finding out your ex-wife got cancer? A: Finding out it's curable.

TheLaughFa...

I never knew the meaning of true happiness until I got married but then it was too late.

epiccaasi

John and Bob were discussing their married lives. Although happily married to their wives, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes. John said, “I’ve made one great discovery. I know how to always have the last word.” “Wow!" said Bob, “how did you manage that?” “It’s easy,” replied John, “my last word is always ‘Yes, Dear.’”

isaacsaadian

When you are married, nobody asks about your sex life. They know that you don't have one!

at3418

An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary. "Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig." The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."

jesternight

My girlfriend wanted us to get a Sleep Number bed, so we went and checked it out. Turns out her sleep number is 61, and mine is $3500!

friskevision

The other night I went out on a blind date. Well it didn't start out that way, she had mace.

Mark My Words

John was talking to his fiance, Rebecca. He said, "Be honest now, baby, how am I as a lover?" To which she replied, "Honey, I would definitely say that you're warm." "Really?" he asked excitedly. "Yes, in fact I would say that you're the dictionary definition of the word 'warm.'" John was pleased until he went home and just for fun, checked his dictionary and found, "WARM: Not so hot."

Anonymous

How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Both of them.

LaughFactory

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

Seaweed

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized!

LaughFactory