Chocolate Sundaes is live this Sunday! Stay tuned to see the biggest names of comedy on New Material Night with Kevin Nealon Catch Tim Allen monthly on our Hollywood stage

joke bank - Relationship Jokes

The tenderest love is between two homosexual men with hemorrhoids.

Anonymous

An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary. "Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig." The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."

jesternight

The other night I went out on a blind date. Well it didn't start out that way, she had mace.

Mark My Words

My wife is such a bad cook, the flies chipped in to fix the screens. - Rodney Dangerfield

fastfidos

Why did the man cross the road? He heard the chicken was a slut.

LaughFactory

A husband and wife decide on a code language whenever they feel like having sex to escape the attention of their son. According to the code language, the wife will be the typewriter and the husband will act as the typist. However, they had a petty quarrel a few days ago and were not talking to each other. One day the husband gets into the mood and he can’t hold any longer. So he sends a word to his wife through the son. The son comes and tells her, “Mom, dad wants to use the typewriter.” The wife was having her period at that time and she thought for a while and said, “Tell dad, he can’t because the red ribbon is on now,” she said. However, the husband misunderstands that it was a deliberate excuse on her part. Next day the son comes to his dad on an errand from his mom this time and tells him, “Dad, mom said it is okay now; the red ribbon is removed and you can type.” The husband then tells his son, “Tell your mom I don’t need to type now. It was urgent, so I've already written with my hand!”

Brianna

I get no respect with my wife. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.

Aces

John was talking to his fiance, Rebecca. He said, "Be honest now, baby, how am I as a lover?" To which she replied, "Honey, I would definitely say that you're warm." "Really?" he asked excitedly. "Yes, in fact I would say that you're the dictionary definition of the word 'warm.'" John was pleased until he went home and just for fun, checked his dictionary and found, "WARM: Not so hot."

Anonymous

What do you call an ex-girlfriend with GPS capability? A crazy bitch that will find you!

rhodaricaf...

Man: So what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

LaughFactory

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized!

LaughFactory

He named the street he owned after his wife. What a grand statement of his love for her, for she was cold, hard, cracked, and only gets plowed around the holidays.

LaughFactory