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joke bank - Relationship Jokes

There is a husband and a wife. The husband dies, and during the funeral, the wife starts to laugh. Everybody starts to ask her why, and she says, "This is the first time that I know where my husband is going."

Marwan9m

How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Both of them.

LaughFactory

My girlfriend wanted us to get a Sleep Number bed, so we went and checked it out. Turns out her sleep number is 61, and mine is $3500!

friskevision

An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary. "Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig." The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."

jesternight

The other night I went out on a blind date. Well it didn't start out that way, she had mace.

Mark My Words

Someone asked me, "Now that you are retired, do you still have a job?" I replied, "Yes I am my wife's sexual adviser." Somewhat shocked, they said, "I beg your pardon, but what do you mean by that?" "Very simple," I answered, "My wife has told me that when she wants my fucking advice, she'll ask me for it."

Anonymous

John was talking to his fiance, Rebecca. He said, "Be honest now, baby, how am I as a lover?" To which she replied, "Honey, I would definitely say that you're warm." "Really?" he asked excitedly. "Yes, in fact I would say that you're the dictionary definition of the word 'warm.'" John was pleased until he went home and just for fun, checked his dictionary and found, "WARM: Not so hot."

Anonymous

My wife is such a bad cook, the flies chipped in to fix the screens. - Rodney Dangerfield

fastfidos

Why did the man cross the road? He heard the chicken was a slut.

LaughFactory

I get no respect with my wife. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.

Aces

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized!

LaughFactory

I bough my wife a mood ring, and when she's in a good mood the ring turns blue. But when she's in a bad mood, it leaves a big red spot in the middle of my forehead.

Mark My Words