Q: What the difference between your first and second honeymoon?
A: Niagara and Viagra.
A man found a genie in a magic lamp and was granted three wishes. The genie said, "For every wish you make, your wife gets two." The man asked for a car and the genie gave his wife two. Then the man asked for a house and again his wife got double. The jealous husband said, "For my last wish, beat me half to death."
When you are married, nobody asks about your sex life. They know that you don't have one!
Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that instead.
How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Both of them.