I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Girlfriend: "Can you please say the words? It makes it better."
Boyfriend: "I'm leaving you."
I told my wife that I would get a tattoo on my pecker of a one-million dollar bill. This way she can blow a million bucks without leaving the house.
Girlfriend: Darling, will you give me a ring on our wedding day?
Boyfriend: Sure, what is your number?
A young man looking to get married asked his friend. "Every woman I bring home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like." "Oh, that's easy," his pal replied, "All you have to do is find someone who is just like your mother." "I did that already," he said, "and that one my father didn't like."