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joke bank - Relationship Jokes

Jane: "Where are all the kind, considerate, loving men who can show their feelings?"
Jill: "They already have boyfriends."

Mark My Words

What do marriage and a tornado have in common? In the beginning there's a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end someone loses a house.

Shalia

Most people want a perfect relationship; I just want a hamburger that looks like ones in commercials.

Faith Landon

Peter sat at his dying wife's bedside. Her voice was little more than a whisper. "Pete darling," she breathed, "I've a confession to make before I go... I... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe. I spent it on a fling with your best friend, Alex. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the city. And I am the one who reported your income tax evasion to the government." "Don't give it a second thought, sweetheart. Who do you think gave you the poison?" answered Peter.

Anonymous

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent!

stepbreaker

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

LaughFactory

Our last fight was my fault. My wife asked me,"What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust."

LaughFactory

I've spent the last two years looking for my wife's killer, but nobody will do it.

TheLaughFa...

There are three women. One is dating, one is engaged, and one is married. They decide to get kinky with their men and really pull out all the stops to make it extra special. The woman who is dating says, “Okay, so I bought black leather, red lipstick, fishnet stockings, and really got crazy. He loved it so much he thinks he’s in love.” The woman who is engaged says, “I showed up to his work after hours wearing only a red coat. Let’s just say he wants to move the wedding date up!” The woman who is married says, “Okay, I really went all out. I got a babysitter for the kids, and bought a black mask and a whip. My husband gets home, goes straight to the fridge, and grabs a beer. Then he plops down on the couch and says, 'Hey Batman! Where the f*ck is dinner?!?'"

mgrove0328

I told my wife that I would get a tattoo on my pecker of a one-million dollar bill. This way she can blow a million bucks without leaving the house.

Mark My Words

A wife says, "Hey! Look at that funny guy whose been drinking a lot." The husband responds, "Who is he?" The wife answers, "Well, five years ago, he was my boyfriend and I denied him for marriage." "Oh my God! He's still celebrating his freedom!" says the husband.

aksoyozgur

A man and a woman have just had their 50th wedding anniversary. The husband turns to his wife and asks, "What do you want to do to celebrate our anniversary dear?" She replies, "Let's run upstairs and make love." He turns to her and says, "Well make up your mind, we can't do both!"

fieldfam