What's the difference between a Jewish wife and a Catholic wife? A Jewish wife has real diamonds, a Catholic wife has real orgasms.
Three nuns walk into a bar, the fourth one ducks.
Adam was lonely, so he asked God for company. God agreed, but said, "Don't let her in the water." Adam agreed and Eve appeared the next day. Adam was so excited, he went in the lake to get cleaned up. Eve wanted to go in, but knew she wasn't allowed. A few months go by and she gets tired of not being able to go in the water. As she runs to the water, she tears off her fig leaf and splash! God says, "Oh great! Now the fish will smell like that!"
Q: What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A: Virgin Mobile
Three religious leaders (a rabbi, a priest, and a minister) were all discussing how they divide up tithing income between themselves and God. The minister said, "I draw a line in the sand, throw the money up in the air, and what lands on the left side of the line goes to the good Lord and what lands on the right side goes to me." Then the priest said, "I draw a circle on the ground, throw the money up in the air, and what lands inside the circle goes to the good Lord and what lands outside goes to me." Then the rabbi said, "You got it all wrong! I throw the money up in the air and what the good Lord catches is his and what lands on the ground is mine."