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joke bank - Religious Jokes

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic with insomnia who stayed up all night wondering if there really is a dog?

Mark My Words

Two old timers were talking after church one day and the one asks the other, "So tell me brother, what did you think of the soul food this morning?" The other replies, "The food was excellent but the service sucked!"

NOAHLOT2

Q: Did you hear about the short sighted rabbi?
A: He got the sack.

JKLouw

Three nuns walk into a bar, the fourth one ducks.

kaleajean

How many Catholic priests does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to screw the light bulb and the other to screw the altar boy in the corner!

secretajnt...

Q: What do you call a vicar with a boner?
A: An erector.

Anonymous

Q: Why did all the hippies go to church on the first day of Lent? A: They heard it was "Hash Wednesday."

NOAHLOT2

Adam was lonely, so he asked God for company. God agreed, but said, "Don't let her in the water." Adam agreed and Eve appeared the next day. Adam was so excited, he went in the lake to get cleaned up. Eve wanted to go in, but knew she wasn't allowed. A few months go by and she gets tired of not being able to go in the water. As she runs to the water, she tears off her fig leaf and splash! God says, "Oh great! Now the fish will smell like that!"

TRUMBATURE

Jesus' away message on Good Friday, "BRB."

Lucey

A priest is sitting in a confession box and has to go to the bathroom. He calls an alter boy over and says, "I have to go pee and I need you to take over." Not knowing what to do, the alter boy asks for help. The priest says, "Just give them a few Hail Marys and send them on their way." Soon after, a blonde woman walks in the booth and says, "Forgive me father. I have committed a sin. I gave my boyfriend a blowjob." The alter boy is confused, so he asks another nearby alter boy, "What does the priest usually give for a blowjob?" The second alter boy replies, "I don't know about you, but my price is a candy bar and a Pepsi."

Hebrew Spe...

Q: Who was the smallest man in the Bible?
A: King David because he was only 12 inches tall as he was a ruler.

Anonymous

What's the best part about being a Rabbi? You get to keep the tips.

jel562