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joke bank - Religious Jokes

Q: Who is the most famous comedian in the Bible? A: Samson, because he brought the house down.

TheLaughFa...

Two old timers were talking after church one day and the one asks the other, "So tell me brother, what did you think of the soul food this morning?" The other replies, "The food was excellent but the service sucked!"

NOAHLOT2

The biggest swindler in the world dies and finds himself before the gates of Heaven and St. Peter, who says, "Come on in man!" Confused, the swindler questions, "But I thought I would be going to Hell for all of the bad things I did." St. Peter replies, "Oh, we don't keep records here, it's too much work!" The swindler goes in, and is once again surprised to see tons of beautiful girls whipping themselves. He asks St. Peter, "Why are they doing that?" St. Peter answers, "Ah, those are all of our virgins. They just found out we don't keep records, too!"

renethuh

How many Catholic priests does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to screw the light bulb and the other to screw the altar boy in the corner!

secretajnt...

Three nuns walk into a bar, the fourth one ducks.

kaleajean

Q: Did you hear about the short sighted rabbi?
A: He got the sack.

JKLouw

Adam was lonely, so he asked God for company. God agreed, but said, "Don't let her in the water." Adam agreed and Eve appeared the next day. Adam was so excited, he went in the lake to get cleaned up. Eve wanted to go in, but knew she wasn't allowed. A few months go by and she gets tired of not being able to go in the water. As she runs to the water, she tears off her fig leaf and splash! God says, "Oh great! Now the fish will smell like that!"

TRUMBATURE

Q: Why did all the hippies go to church on the first day of Lent? A: They heard it was "Hash Wednesday."

NOAHLOT2

Jesus' away message on Good Friday, "BRB."

Lucey

Q: Who was the smallest man in the Bible?
A: King David because he was only 12 inches tall as he was a ruler.

Anonymous

Mother Teresa dies and of course goes directly to heaven. God greets her and asks her, "After you get familiar with this place, how about we have dinner together?" "I would love to eat dinner with you!" Later that evening they meet up for dinner and she takes a seat at the dining room table. God is in the kitchen and starts preparing a very simple meal: one can of tuna fish and some crackers. Through some cracks in the floor, Mother Teresa looks down at Hell; she sees fire and red hot flames with hundreds of thousands of people, and they are dining on lobster, fine wine, chocolate cakes, steaks, pancakes, row after row of fine food. Mother Teresa can't help but ask, "God, look at how they're eating down there. Shouldn't we be dining even better than Hell? You are just serving canned tuna and crackers..." God says, "Well, I figure since it's just the two of us, why cook?"

LOLMASTER

What's the best part about being a Rabbi? You get to keep the tips.

jel562