joke bank - School Jokes

Q: What type of exam does the vampire teacher give his students?
A: A blood test.

Johnny's teacher told the class to say a sentence using the word beautiful twice. A girl sitting next to Johnny said, "My mother put on a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." The teacher said "Very good." Johnny raised his hand and said, "Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father she was pregnant and he said, 'Beautiful, fucking beautiful!'"

I hate school and got caught skipping the other day. My principal said, "Walk normal next time, you fruitcake."

Teacher: How much is a gram?


Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need

Timmy-Can I go the toilet?
Teacher-say the alphabet
Timmy-ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ
Teacher-where's the P
Timmy-half way down my leg

Q: What's the difference between a pygmy tribe and a high school girls track team?
A: The pygmy tribe is a bunch of cunning little runts.

teacher asks to a student that if I give you 3+3 rabbits, how many do you have"?
student tells, I will have 7 rabbits.
teacher asks, how?
student tells, i already have 1 rabbit.

How do you get a Florida State graduate off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.

Q: What did the verb say when the words have, has, and had were removed from the English language?
A: "Nobody's perfect!"

Teacher: “If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?”
Vincent: “One dollar.”
Teacher: “You don’t know your arithmetic.”
Vincent: “You don’t know my father.”

Teacher: can you see god
student: no
teacher: can you feel god
student no
teacher: can you smell god
student: no
teacher so god isn't real

*hand goes up*
Student" can you see your brain
teacher no
student can you feel your brain
teacher no
student: can you smell your brain
teacher: no
student: so you have no brain

Teacher: “John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?”
John: “You told me to do it without using tables.”