DON'T MISS SOME OF TODAY'S BEST COMEDIANS TODAY FROM THE LGBTQ ON THE FABULOUS SHOW, RAINBOW POP THIS APRIL 25 IN LONG BEACH!!! DANE COOK IS BACK THIS SATURDAY APRIL 28TH FOR ALL-STAR COMEDY! GET YOUR TICKETS NOW! JEREMY PIVEN IS BACK! CATCH HIM THIS WEDNESDAY AND SATURDAY FOR ALL-STAR COMEDY! GET READY HOLLYWOOD, BRENDAN SCHAUB IS BACK! SEE HIM LIVE THIS FRIDAY FOR THE LUCK OF THE IRISH SHOW. COLIN KANE LIVE IN LONG BEACH! SEE HIM DOING A CRAZY SET THIS THURSDAY FOR A SPECIAL COMEDY SHOW YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS

joke bank - School Jokes

Q: What type of exam does the vampire teacher give his students?
A: A blood test.

Anonymous

Johnny's teacher told the class to say a sentence using the word beautiful twice. A girl sitting next to Johnny said, "My mother put on a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." The teacher said "Very good." Johnny raised his hand and said, "Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father she was pregnant and he said, 'Beautiful, fucking beautiful!'"

FunnyForLife

I hate school and got caught skipping the other day. My principal said, "Walk normal next time, you fruitcake."

Seth Rihn

Timmy-Can I go the toilet?
Teacher-say the alphabet
Timmy-ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ
Teacher-where's the P
Timmy-half way down my leg

Anonymous

Q: What's the difference between a pygmy tribe and a high school girls track team?
A: The pygmy tribe is a bunch of cunning little runts.

Mark My Words

How do you get a Florida State graduate off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.

Jean Bustos

Q: What did the verb say when the words have, has, and had were removed from the English language?
A: "Nobody's perfect!"

Rob P Post

Teacher: How much is a gram?


Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need

Tyronne

Teacher: can you see god
student: no
teacher: can you feel god
student no
teacher: can you smell god
student: no
teacher so god isn't real

*hand goes up*
Student" can you see your brain
teacher no
student can you feel your brain
teacher no
student: can you smell your brain
teacher: no
student: so you have no brain

Christian Tam

A boy went home from school. His homework was to put down the things his family said.

So he goes to his mother who was talking on the phone. The boy asked "Mum, can you help me do my homework? The mother says "Shut up!" And goes back talking on the phone. The boy wrote that down.

He then went to his father watching a football commercial saying "Hell yeah!"
So the boy wrote that down.
The boy went to his little sister and his sister said "Lollipop, Lollipop"
So the boy wrote that down.
The boy went to his little brother and the brother said "DUNDUNUNUNUN, BATMAN!"
So the boy wrote that down.

The next day, the boy went to school and the teacher said "So what are the words?"
The boy said "Shut up!"
The teacher, shocked, calmly said " Do you want to go to the principal's office?"
The boy said "Hell yeah!"

So at the principal's office, the principal said "What do you think you deserve in this situation?"
The boy said "Lollipop lollipop!"
The principal yelled "Who do you think you are?!"
And the boy said " DUNUNUNUNU, BATMAN!"

Anonymous

A kid comes home from school and so excitedly telling his dad ,daddy daddy the teacher asked a question at school today and I was the only one who answered it,
His father replies congratulations to my son I am proud but what was the question ?
Who broke the damn window....

Diego Popez

A boy asked his teacher"Can I go to the tolilet please miss?" but the teacher said "No, we're doing the alphabet" 5 Minutes later he asked again and the teacher says "no, it's your turn to do the alphabet." So he goes " A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z". Then the teacher askes "where's your P?" He replies with "It's halfway down my leg miss"

Anonymous