joke bank - Sex Jokes

A man comes home early from work and tells his wife he just got fired. He tells her, "I got caught with my penis in the pickle slicer." His wife asks him if his penis is okay and he assures her it is fine. "Well," she asks, "What happened to the pickle slicer?" "Oh," he says, "She got fired too."

Mark My Words

What does a rooster and a hooker have in common in the morning? A rooster goes, "Cockadoododoo!" and a hooker goes, "Any c*ck will do!"

cjzamora25

Three boys were discussing their fathers' favorite foods. The first kid said his father loves to eat burgers. The second boy said his father loves KFC. The third boy said his father loves to eat light. The other two boys questioned how his father does that. The third boy replied, "Every night I hear my daddy tell mommy to turn off the light so he can eat it."

Eric

Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers?
A: One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year.

TheLaughFa...

A professor is lecturing a class and says, "Today's lecture will be about glucose. Glucose is sugar and can be found in lots of stuff. For example, semen, candy, etc." A blonde girl responds with, "How come you can't taste sugar in semen?" The professor says, "Well, sweety, that's because you don't have taste buds in the back of your throat."

josedc88

My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex for my birthday. It's nice, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna watch."

c. williams

What's the difference between a penis and a bonus? Your wife will always blow your bonus!

Cvlkiller

Monica Lewinsky walks into the dry cleaners. The old man behind the counter is hard of hearing and doesn't understand her request, so he says, "Come again." Monica responds, "No, this time it's mustard."

Mark My Words

A lady sitting in the dentist chair told the dentist, "I would rather go through the pain of child birth than have you drill in my mouth." The dentist replied, "Well, you had better make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."

Mark My Words

What's the difference between a pregnant lady and a light bulb? You can unscrew a light bulb.

dutch271

Q: Why do Jewish women love circumcised men?
A: Because they like 20 percent off.

Brett rose...

The doc told a guy that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it," He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it before he got home to his wife. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to play with his unit. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to the big finish, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?" He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted." The cop replied, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."

eric4325