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joke bank - Sex Jokes

One weekend, a husband is in the bathroom shaving when the local kid Bubba he hired to mow his lawn, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is. "Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!" The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his penis and whacked it three times on the bedpost. His wife, half-asleep, said, "Bubba? Is that you?"

joejoej13

A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!” “Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.”

Kid.KT

A man is walking down the street, when he notices that his grandfather is sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" the man exclaims. The old man looks off in the distance and does not answer his grandson. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asks again. The old man slyly looks at him and says, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea!"

Anonymous

Three words to ruin a man's ego. "Is it in?"

ELIZETH

A little boy was in the bath with his mom. The boy said, "What's that hairy thing, mommy?" She replied, "That is my sponge." "Oh yes," said the boy, "The babysitter has got one too. I've seen her washing dad's face with it."

Gretchen Old

Q: What does the receptionist at the sperm clinic say when clients are leaving?
A: “Thanks for coming!”

TheLaughFa...

What do a pizza boy and a gyneocologist have in common? They both smell it but they can't eat it.

Babydoggie

Q: What is the lightest thing in the world?
A: A penis because just a thought can lift it.

Anonymous

A mom of an eight year old boy is awaiting her son's arrival from school. As he runs in, he says he needs to talk to her about making babies. He claims he knows about the development of a fetus, but doesn't understand the answer to the million dollar question. Namely, how does the sperm get into the woman? The mom asks the boy what he thinks the answer is. The boy says that the sperm is manufactured in the man's stomach, rises up to his chest, then throat, and into his mouth, where he then kisses the woman and deposits the sperm into her mouth. The mom tells her boy that it is a good guess, but it's wrong. She gives him a hint by telling him that the sperm comes out of the man's penis. Suddenly, the boy's face becomes quite red and he says, "You mean you put your mouth on that thing?"

julia

Why do women wear panties with flowers on them? In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.

tiddliewinks

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f*ck your brains out, and suck your t*ts dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?" He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

joshuapulido

One day Little Johnny asks his Mum, "How come when I come in to your room you and you're on top of Daddy, you say you're making a sandwich, but after a while I come in again, you're eating a sausage?!"

chloe99