A guy and his date are parked out in the country away from town, when they start kissing and fondling each other. Just then, the girl stops and sits up. “What’s the matter?” asks the guy. She replies, “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a prostitute, and I charge $100 for sex.” The man thinks about it for a few seconds, but then reluctantly gets out a $100 bill, pays her, and they have sex. After a cigarette, he just sits in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asks the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before,” replies the man, “but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $50.
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. "Do you want a bag?" the cashier asks. "No," the guy says, "she's not that ugly."
A little boy with diarrhea tells his mom that he needs Viagra. The mom asks, "Why on Earth do you need that?!" The little boy says, "Isn't that what you give daddy when his sh*t doesn't get hard?"
Q: Why is sex like math?
A: You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.