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joke bank - Sex Jokes

What do you call men who use the pull out method? Fathers

Tenille79

Q: What is the dirtiest line said on television?
A: "Ward, I think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night."

Mark My Words

A woman constantly keeps sneezing and goes to see the doctor. She tells him, "Doctor, I constantly keep sneezing, and every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm." The doctor asks, "What are you doing for it?" The woman replies, "Sniffing pepper."

damion

Seven year old Lebron was in English class, when his teacher asked him to use dictate in a sentence. So he says, "Lass night I heard Daddy askin' Momma, 'how do my dictate?'"

PhotosbyLV

Sex is like snow: you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.

J.T. Smith

One day, little Suzie and her mom are walking down a beach when they see a couple having sex. Little Suzie asks her mother, "What are they doing?" And her mother replies, "They're baking a cake" so that she doesn't have to explain sex to little Suzie.

Later that day, after mom has tucked little Suzie into bed, little Suzie's dad comes home. Mom and dad decide to have sex on the couch.

The next morning, little Suzie goes up to mom and asks, "Mommy, were you and daddy baking a cake last night?"

Mom replies, "Yes we were, Suzie. How did you know?"

Suzie replies, "Cause I saw some icing on the couch."

Anonymous

Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken and a vacuum?
A: A cocksucker.

Brett rose...

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch some marijuana.
Jack and Jill slipped down the hill and asked Jill if she wanna.
She said "Yes" and dropped her dress and had a little fun.
Jill forgot to take her pill and now they have a son.

SexyDude

A husband and wife decide on a code language whenever they feel like having sex to escape the attention of their son. According to the code language, the wife will be the typewriter and the husband will act as the typist. However, they had a petty quarrel a few days ago and were not talking to each other. One day the husband gets into the mood and he can’t hold any longer. So he sends a word to his wife through the son. The son comes and tells her, “Mom, dad wants to use the typewriter.” The wife was having her period at that time and she thought for a while and said, “Tell dad, he can’t because the red ribbon is on now,” she said. However, the husband misunderstands that it was a deliberate excuse on her part. Next day the son comes to his dad on an errand from his mom this time and tells him, “Dad, mom said it is okay now; the red ribbon is removed and you can type.” The husband then tells his son, “Tell your mom I don’t need to type now. It was urgent, so I've already written with my hand!”

Brianna

Three old women were sitting on a park bench. A flasher ran up and whipped open his coat. Two of the old ladies had a stroke and the third couldn't reach.

Carlisle

Q: What is 6.9?
A: A really great thing ruined by a period.

Mark My Words

Three guys survive a plane crash in the desert. They wander for days, starving and thirsty. They finally come across a lone house and knock on the door, desperate for help. A crusty old lady answers, and says she'd be happy to help if one of them will agree to satisfy her sexually first. After a quick discussion, one of the guys decides to take one for the team. He walks in to her bedroom while the other two wait outside the house. He tells her to close her eyes and open her legs. He quickly runs to the kitchen and grabs the first penis-shaped thing he can find, an ear of corn. He shoves it in her, and throws it out the window. Grabs another, rams it in and throws it out the window. She is finally satisfied and agrees to cook for them. He goes outside to get his friends, and they exclaim, "We're actually not hungry anymore. We just ate some delicious, buttery corn on the cob!"

Banko Metta